Category Archives: closure

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It’s Driving Me Crazy!

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In the last few months I’ve been chauffeuring a family member to and from work, one day a week. It’s been a real eye opener to say the least.

Granted, I haven’t commuted for a long time because I worked from home for the last 35 years of my working life. And even when I did work elsewhere before that, I often just took the bus because it was a lot easier.

I mean, I drive, obviously. But usually just to get groceries and stuff. So let’s just say I’m not used to this driving-during-rush-hour thing. At all.

It’s been a shock to say the least, and exacerbated by all of the road work going on right now. The four-lanes-down-to-two, or two-lanes-down-to-one, or complete road closures. The stops and long waits for massive dump trucks or noisy tractors to s-l-o-w-l-y pass. And then there’s the Bay Street Bridge which was only open in one direction for a period of time. It has now re-opened, but what a mess THAT was. What could be next?

I’m so grateful I don’t have to drive every day. But there are so many people who do.

I was reading a story in the paper recently which stated that this summer commuting is going to get worse in Victoria. Worse?

Well, apparently the city has gotten behind in resurfacing existing roads, which is supposed to be done every 35 years or so. Never mind the damaged roads that have to be repaired and the infrastructure that has to be replaced. That’s on top of all of the new construction happening right now. EVERYWHERE.

And there are SO many more people on the roads compared to when we first moved here. The population of Greater Victoria has ballooned, especially, it seems, over the last 5 to 10 years. Add to that the fact that we have so many bike lanes now, taking up a lot of road space.

I know, I know. Everyone complains about bike lanes. Personally, I’m grateful for them when I’m cycling. And occasionally annoyed by them when I’m driving. What’s a girl to do??

Actually, I see a lot more people cycling to and from work and/or school now. And they are definitely beating car traffic! No wonder they have those smug looks on their faces…

The biggest shock for me is how people drive these days. Sure, I can understand the frustration with everything that’s going on. But making up rules just for you isn’t how it works.

Just so you know:

  1. You can’t use a left-turn lane just to pass the guy in front of you. It doesn’t work that way. I saw a motorcyclist do this twice on the Pat Bay Highway recently.
  2. Look up what a double yellow line means. That’s right! No passing. Again.
  3. That turn signal on your car? It’s not just there to add a splash of colour to your exterior. It’s to SIGNAL your intentions.
  4. Oh, yeah, and on that note, signally AFTER you’ve starting turning doesn’t count. Duh.
  5. Last but not least, tailgating isn’t going to make me go any faster. It isn’t. I’m stubborn that way. So back off.

Oh, sure, I can think of at least 139 more stupid driving stunts I’ve seen lately. But I don’t want to come across as one of those “nearly dead”s.

While we’re on the subject of commuting…how about taking the bus? Sure, you might have to leave home earlier and get home a little later. Okay, I can already hear you sputtering your excuses for not busing.

But it has become so convenient in so many ways.

You can pay your fare with your debit card now. And there’s an app that helps you keep track of when the buses are coming and going. How cool is that? Plus, the only person who has to worry about those other idiots on the road is the bus driver. You can chat to the guy next to you. Or watch YouTube videos all the way home. If you must.

As for my once-a-week commute, I’m definitely grateful for the polite and gracious drivers out there. They DO exist. In fact, I think I’m going to work on being more like that myself. As should we all.

Otherwise, we’re literally going to drive each other crazy!

IJ

The Gift of Forgiveness

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You see it in television interviews, read it in newspapers, hear it on the radio…everytime there is a legal case against a person or organization, or when people are interviewed after someone has gotten away with some kind of crime, you hear the word “closure”; all we want is closure, this will give me some kind of closure.

The Oxford Dictionary defines closure as :

1 an act or process of closing. 2 a device that closes or seals. 3 (in a legislative assembly) a procedure for ending a debate and taking a vote.

Most people are referring to the first definition, “an act or process of closing”. But I think what they are really seeking is an end to their own suffering and a feeling of peace, which I think they expect a legal proceeding or the receipt of something to do. It doesn’t.

Closure is over-used and misinterpreted, a tacky and misunderstood cliche.

It’s not that I don’t have empathy for a family that has lost a loved one to a drunk driver, for instance, standing outside the courthouse at the end of the driver’s trial, relieved that the whole procedure is over. I can’t begin to know how it must feel. But although it may be closure with respect to the end of the trial, it won’t end their suffering or give them peace.

The end to suffering happens gradually over time and is the result of inner work, not a court verdict.

Something else that I’m afraid we human beings mis-identify as “closure”, is revenge. We believe that if someone is punished for what they have done to us, that we will feel better. Perhaps for a short while we do, but as many often discover, revenge doesn’t put things back to where they were before. And it often leaves us feeling worse in the long run.

What truly ends our suffering in all of these cases is forgiveness. But forgiveness is also a word that is misunderstood. Many people believe that forgiveness means they have somehow approved the other person’s heinous act, or given permission for them to continue to behave that way. We often feel that by remaining angry and hateful towards the other person, we are punishing them in some way. More often than not, they don’t even feel it!

What forgiveness does is relieve our own suffering by helping us to let go of our anger and pain. And often when we do this, we are more able to understand the cause of the other person’s behaviour. Forgiveness liberates us from the burden of our own misery, and clears our view just like clouds parting to reveal a crystal blue sky. True, heartfelt forgiveness is something we all need to practise once in awhile…all the time, in fact!

Every time Christmas rolls around I inevitably bump into someone who feels Grinch-like about the whole thing, for various reasons. Most of the time it has to do with old wounds, disappointments and misunderstandings around family or friends. To all of you who are feeling this way even a little bit this season, give yourself the wonderful gift of forgiveness. Let it go, even just for a little while and enjoy the peace that it brings.

I wish a peaceful, happy Christmas to you all :-).

IJ