I was reading Time Magazine the other day on one of my regular monthly ferry trips, and found an interesting article about the Collins Dictionary trying to eliminate 20 old or unused words in order to make room for 2000 new ones.

Not that I ever use apodeictic (unquestionably true by virtue of demonstration) or fusby, (short, stout or squat), but when you read a list of new words that dictionaries have included lately, such as cookie cutter and fanboy (a boy who is an enthusiastic devotee of such things as comics or movies), you wonder about the future of our language. Then again, as with most things nothing is static, not even language.

Words have fascinated me since I first started to read the lyrics of songwriters like Joni Mitchell and realized how weak and ineffective my own lyrics were. Just the right turn-of-phrase can create powerful images and emotions, and literally expand a person’s consciousness. I’m not a big fiction reader, but I know the same thing can happen with a well written book.

In listening to some of Barack Obama’s speeches over the last two years, you could feel the effect not only of his words but of his delivery. He reminded us of the great orators of the past whose power lay in the way they could rouse the public’s emotions, both bad and good, by the way they delivered a speech.

The internet has exposed some interesting, and sometimes disturbing, facts to me about people. Sitting at a computer and typing away just as I am doing now, creates a sort of disconnected self-aggrandizing effect–a sense of fearlessness in expressing one’s ideas and opinions. The danger is that once you hit the post button, you are sending a part of your private thoughts out there for anyone to read and even respond to in some cases. And you might not like what they say in return!

Without trying to sound too pompous, I’ve discovered that there is an awful lot of ignorance out there, so much so that it’s almost shocking. People spew all kinds of “information” that is simply incorrect, they list facts that are not true or haven’t been properly researched, and others sop it up as if it was out of a bible.

For example, who can forget the elderly woman who stood up at a McCain rally and said Obama was an Arab? Where did she get that idea from? Not that there’s anything wrong with being an Arab…but to her, apparently there is. Could it be that she heard people on the campaign trail intentionally repeating Obama’s entire name…Barack Hussein Obama? Mr. McCain had to correct her, and he had to impress upon the crowd that Obama was not a bad man. What a shame that it came to that.

In contrast to the internet, old standbys like newspapers and magazines, and radio or television news broadcasts (other than Fox :-), now have my respect like they never have before! They have the rule of research behind them…it doesn’t mean that they are always correct, but fact-checking and finding multiple sources for the same information means that what we read or hear from them is probably as pretty close to the truth as it can get.

I want news and information, I don’t want it skewed in any particular direction, and when I want an opinion I’ll seek it out.

But who cares about me? 🙂

There have been several times when I’ve found myself in a verbal scuffle on the web when I’ve expressed my point of view. It has taught me to be a lot more careful about what I say and who I say it to. Words on a computer screen are not like a face-to-face discussion where facial expression and inflection can affect what comes out of the mouth. People are usually more polite when it’s face-to-face, but online they become like a pack of dogs on the attack with little or no thought as to how it might impact the person being responded to, or even that there is a human being on the other end of the argument.

I used to engage in these wars of words, but I’ve learned that it’s useless…I’m not going to change anyone’s mind and they’re not going to change mine, so why even bother? On the rare occasion that I break past my own rules and post my response to something, I leave it at that and don’t engage any further.

I really should just shut up in the first place.

In Buddhism, one practices something called “right speech”. That doesn’t simply mean checking information and getting your facts straight. It means that we should be acutely aware of the impact of what we are saying at every moment. Words are like that proverbial ripple effect of a drop of water, they spread much further and impact much more than we realize. A kind word can spread from person to person like warm sunshine, a harsh or ignorant one can create an endless chain of negative events. And it isn’t just what we say, it’s how we say it…tone of voice, volume, eye contact and facial expression, they all have their effect.

I think most people suffer from the “nobody’s listening” syndrome, and the number of blogs (like mine!) and YouTube videos and iReports out there proves that. The idea that no one is listening may very well be true…because if everyone is yelling, who can hear anything? The other side to it, however, is that over time we become louder and more insulting and obtrusive, and we stop thinking about the harm we may be causing.

“You STUPID IDIOT!!” Who hasn’t found themselves spouting something at someone in frustration at times? The problem occurs when it becomes almost like an addiction and we CAN’T STOP YELLING or sputtering our angry responses.

Okay, I vow this very second to never post an annoyed opinion on the web again.

Until somebody REALLY pisses me off….

This seems to have been a year of many changes for me and for the people around me, the latest one being my youngest daughter, Gracie, who is moving away from home. And she’s not just moving down the road…she is moving to another city, Vancouver. She is moving in with a friend and neither of them have a pot to pee in. Literally :-).

So I’ve been digging around through the cupboards to find old cutlery, cups, plates and other bits and pieces to get her started, and all the while I’ve been thinking about the first time I moved out.

I had a bed, a dresser, my clothes and my guitar and a couple of friends with a truck. I moved into a basement suite in Richmond with my best friend Linda who had her bed and some kitchen supplies and her sewing machine. 

Between us we may have come up with a table and a lamp or two. But it wasn’t much.

We were 18 years old, not very old really compared to the age kids are when they move out these days. We were excited about living on our own. But all of these years later I have to admit that Linda did most of the work, the cleaning the cooking and all the rest. I was a lazy ass and didn’t think to do things for myself.

So a few months later when we had to move out again because the basement suite was declared illegal, I told Linda that I thought I needed to live on my own. There was a part of me, as dumb as I was, that knew it was time for me to take care of myself. So we parted ways and I found an apartment in Vancouver, not very far from where Gracie is now about to move.

I’m sure my Dad lost a lot of sleep when I first left, and I didn’t think to call home very often. I was too caught up in myself and my life to think that he might have needed to hear my voice every now and then.

I’m sure he has long since forgiven me, but remembering that now, I have set Gracie up with a webcam for her laptop (she WILL have an internet connection), so that I can check up on her constantly :-). Ain’t technology wonderful? Thank heavens.

When I was first living completely on my own, I was a slob and didn’t know how to cook anything except rice. I was constantly running out of toilet paper or bar soap and forgetting one thing or another. But I always paid my bills on time because I was afraid NOT to. I got fat from eating too much Kraft Dinner and I got depressed because I had no one to talk to. So I got a cat.

I didn’t have a TV, so sometimes I snuck out on the balcony and listened to the news from someone else’s TV in another apartment. And over time, I did get used to being on my own and there certainly was a sense of satisfaction in being completely independent. I only ever asked my parents for money once…when I broke the back axle on my car and didn’t have enough to pay for it. I didn’t have a credit card back then, so I always paid by cash or cheque.

In retrospect, I am happy that I had that time on my own, and I hope that Gracie gets the same sense of satisfaction from taking care of herself. But it’s hard to think about her being over there in that big city without me to smother her with hugs and kisses. Okay, maybe she won’t miss that part 🙂

And that brings me to what this blog entry is really about…the gut wrenching ache of having to let go. There have been many, many parents before me who have gone through this, and there will be many more again. But this is my first time. I am happy to have her experience her independence, but I am sad to know that my life is going to be permanently changed without her here. She is funny, she is the only person in the world I can be a total goof with, she is smart, she sings with me, plays guitar with me, talks about Buddhism with me. She puts up with my smothering and rolls her eyes at my lectures. She sews the small tears in my clothes (I don’t sew), brings home a meal from the DQ when I don’t feel like cooking, and now she has a dream that she wants to follow. I can’t deny her that.

As I said before, letting go has been a recurring theme all year. The truth is that letting go is something we have to do all the time, but it seems that sometimes we have to deal with it in a much more profound way. My father had to let go of his home, and to some extent, his freedom, when he had to move into a care facility back in March. More recently, a very good friend of mine had to let go of her husband who passed away in August at the very young age of 54. And now I’m having to let go of my little girl as she ventures out on her own for the first time.

I wrote a song about letting go many years ago…at the time I was leaving my job and moving onto other things and I actually wrote it for my boss, Mary Jo, who was very soppy when it came to saying goodbye:

Is this goodbye?
Well, we haven’t said a thing all day
And it almost time
So I’m wondering when the dam will break
But I know that the road is right
I’m just following all the signs

We spend a lifetime letting go
Resisting it to the end
You can’t stop the wind, you can’t change the flow
So just love it and let it go

When you touch my hand
Part of you will always be with me
And you’re in my life
No matter where your world might be
I’ll remember and you’ll be here
Out of nowhere you’ll feel me near

We spend a lifetime letting go
Resisting it to the end
You can’t stop the wind
You can’t change the flow
So just love it and let it go

And now the moment arrives
For the tears and the ties to come down
But if you give it awhile
What remains is a smile
From someone who loves you

We spend a life time letting go
Resisting it to the end
You can’t stop the wind
You can change the flow
So just love it and let it go
You just love it and let it go

…I am going to miss you terribly, Gracie girl.
Love always,
Mom
xoxoxo

I guess I crossed something off my bucket list last night.

A couple of months back I heard that James Taylor was coming to Victoria. One of my big dreams in the last few years has been to see all of my songwriting heroes live. Aside from Joni Mitchell, he has to have been one of the greatest influences on my writing. He’s also been, in my opinion, one of the best interpreters of other’s songs over the years. “Up On A Roof”, “Handyman”, and of course “You’ve Got A Friend”, Carol King’s beautiful song, were all given that distinctive JT sound back in the 70’s when his star was flying high.

I’ve seen snippets of his concerts on TV and DVD, but of course seeing him live gave me a much better sense of his personality, his energy and his showmanship. He looks like he’s thoroughly enjoying himself up there. I’ve seen concerts where the band or the artist looked like they’d rather be anywhere else. One of my heroes who strikes me this way is Gordon Lightfoot. When I saw him for the first time only a few years ago, he was quiet, reserved and just let the songs do all of the work. There was a bit of a disconnect with Lightfoot but with James Taylor it was the complete opposite.

From a performing songwriter perspective, you realize the importance of that audience connection. Granted, last night we were all already sold on JT before we got there…but when you’re not known, creating that connection is absolutely critical. It endears you to your audience, gives them a sense of your human side, your sense of humour and your personality. You can’t just bow your head down and play the songs, you have to play them TO someone and let them feel for themselves where the songs came from.

JT is a fabulous guitar player, and on his old hits the sound guys let his fingerstylings stand out just as they did on the original recordings. He used two Olson acoustic guitars; a dreadnaught and a cutaway…I incorrectly quoted the price of them to someone last night, but they start somewhere around $12,500. Yikes. The sound of them is wonderful though, rich and bright.

It was a great turnout and he gave two encores, which were such a treat. I have to admit, I enjoyed his acoustic hits a little more, but that band of his was absolutely fabulous. I think it was his last night on his Canadian tour, so maybe we were just lucky to get a little extra out of them. Actually, the last encore appeared to be spontaneous…he ran to each member and whispered in their ear as if he had just decided to do one more.

And then there were the songs themselves. I wondered how many older hits he’d actually play, knowing how difficult it is to play the same songs over and over and still give them the energy they deserve, but he managed to do that so well. “Caroline On My Mind” and “Sweet Baby James” were real highlights for me, and of course he had to do “Fire and Rain”; that song is a staple in his bag of hits. The one that teared me up, though, was “You’ve Got a Friend”. He has a wonderful, rich baritone voice…not one note was out of place…it draws you in with it’s purity and resonance. I’ve often tried to emulate a female version of that voice and it was always James Taylor’s vocal that I was hearing while I was writing so many of my songs over the years.

So, JT, you helped an old 70’s girl to fulfill a dream last night. Thanks for coming to Victoria, thanks for all of your wonderful songwriting and performances over the years. You really are the best.

IJ